Funny Quotes for Bad Day at Work
More by Maryn
- 150 of the Sweetest Baby Girl Names Inspired by Pretty Flowers and Blossoms
- 125 Famous Dalai Lama Quotes That'll Go Straight to Your Heart
- These 75 British Slang Words From Across the Pond Are Bloody Brilliant
Some days, the last thing you want to do is go to work—but since it doesn't look like those bills will start paying themselves anytime soon, you put on your best #adulting face and head out for your daily hustle.
Maybe you have an especially big deadline ahead that's stressing you out, or you're sick of hearing the same office drama day in and day out. Or perhaps you're just feeling grumpy because you had to change out of your pajamas and put on real pants today.
Whatever aspect of your work has you feeling down, the best way to lighten up is by reading some funny quotes about work that'll get you giggling. These 100 hilarious quips and funny work quotes poke fun at the ups-and-downs of being a working professional, and are guaranteed to make any day on the job better.
100 Funny Work Quotes
1. "I choose a lazy person to do a hard job, because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it." — Bill Gates
2. "No man goes before his time—unless the boss leaves early." — Groucho Marx
3. "Doing nothing is very hard to do… you never know when you're finished." — Leslie Nielsen
4. "It takes less time to do a thing right, than it does to explain why you did it wrong." — Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
5. "If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn't have a job if he was any smarter." — John Gotti
6. "Most of what we call management consists of making it difficult for people to get their work done." — Peter Drucker
7. "It is better to have one person working with you than three people working for you." — Dwight D. Eisenhower
8. People who never do any more than they get paid for, never get paid for any more than they do." — Elbert Hubbard
9. "I am a friend of the workingman, and I would rather be his friend, than be one." — Clarence Darrow
10. "The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one." — Oscar Wilde
11. "Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit." — George Carlin
12. It's a shame that the only thing a man can do for eight hours a day is work. He can't eat for eight hours; he can't drink for eight hours; he can't make love for eight hours. The only thing a man can do for eight hours is work." — William Faulkner
13. "Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?" — Edgar Bergen
14. "You can't have a million dollar dream with a minimum wage worth ethic." — Zig Ziglar
15. "As I have gotten older and wiser I discovered that there are six things that I really loved about my job. Pay day, lunch time, quitting time, vacation time, holidays, and of course retirement." — Tom Goins
16. "I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours." — Jerome K. Jerome
17. "The only thing that ever sat its way to success was a hen." — Sarah Brown
18. "If hard work is the key to success, most people would rather pick the lock." — Claude McDonald
19. "The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What's the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe you'd get a pulse." — Dennis Miller
20. "My keyboard must be broken, I keep hitting the escape key, but I'm still at work." — Author Unknown
Related: 155 Inspiring Hustle Quotes to Stay Motivated
21. "Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work." – Robert Orben
22. "Delegate your work. Stop spending dollar time on penny jobs." — Mary Kay Ash
23. "I always give 100% at Work: 10% Monday, 23% Tuesday, 40% Wednesday, 22% Thursday, and 5% Friday." –Anonymous
24. "Getting paid to sleep… that's my dream job." –Unknown
25. "The closest to perfection a person ever comes is when he fills out a job application form." — Stanley J. Randall
26. "If A equals success, then the formula is A = X + Y + Z. Where X is work. Y is play. Z is keep your mouth shut." — Albert Einstein
27. "Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers." — Homer Simpson
28. "There's no secret about success. Did you ever know a successful man who didn't tell you about it?" -Kin Hubbard
29. "There's no business like show business, but there are several businesses like accounting." — David Letterman
30. "Beat the 5 o'clock rush, leave work at noon." — Anonymous
31. "Time is an illusion. Lunchtime is doubly so." – Douglas Adams
32. "The problem with doing nothing is that you never know when you're finished." – Groucho Marx
33. "The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office." — Robert Frost
34. "Sometimes I spend the whole meeting wondering how they got the big meeting table through the door." — Anonymous
35. "People are still willing to do an honest day's work. The problem is they want a week's pay for it." – Joey Adams
36. "Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy." – Charlie McCarthy
37. "An expert is a man who has made all the mistakes which can be made in a very narrow field." — Niels Bohr
38. "The reward for good work is more work." – Francesca Elisia
39. "It's just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up."- Muhammad Ali
40. "Executive ability is deciding quickly and getting somebody else to do the work." – Earl Nightingale
41. "Pride, commitment and teamwork are words they use to get you to work for free." – Anonymous
42. "My boss told me to start every presentation with a joke. The first slide was my paycheck." – Anonymous
43. "A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D., or Ph.D. Unfortunately, they don't have a J.O.B." – Fats Domino
44. "Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called everybody, and they meet at the bar." – Drew Carey
45. "When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: 'Whose?'" — Don Marquis
46. Going to work for a large company is like getting on a train. Are you going sixty miles an hour or is the train going sixty miles an hour and you're just sitting still?" — J. Paul Getty
47. "I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o'clock." — Henny Youngman
48. "All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure." — Mark Twain
49. "When I was 16 I worked in a pet store, and they fired me because . . . they had three snakes, and one day I braided them." – Steven Alexander Wright
50. "Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there." — Will Rogers
51. "People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day!" — Anonymous
52. "A lot of people quit looking for work as soon as they find a job." — Zig Ziglar
53. "A baseball game is twice as much fun if you're seeing it on the company's time." — William C. Feather
54. "I think Smithers picked me because of my motivational skills. Everyone says they have to work a lot harder when I'm around." — Homer Simpson
55. "The taxpayer—that's someone who works for the federal government but doesn't have to take the civil service examination." — Ronald Reagan
56. "Early to bed and early to rise probably indicates unskilled labor." – John Ciardi
57. "It's a funny feeling to work with people who you consider your colleges and to realize that they actually are young enough to be your children." – Alan Alda
58. "I'm not retiring, I am graduating . . . retirement means that you'll just go ahead and live on your laurels and surf all day in Oceanside. It ain't going to happen." – Junior Seau
59. "I used to work at McDonald's making minimum wage. You know what thay means? You know what your boss was trying to say? It's like, 'Hey if I could pay you less, I would, but it's against the law.'" – Chris Rock
60. "Don't be distracted by criticism. Remember, the only taste of success some people get is to take a bite out of you." – Zig Ziglar
Related: 101 Funny Quotes
61. "Where people aren't having fun, they seldom produce good work." – David Ogilvy
62. "Coworkers are like Christmas lights. They hang together, half of them don't work and the other half aren't so bright." – Anonymous
63. "I hate when I lose things at work, like pens, papers, sanity and dreams." – Anonymous
64. "If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito." – Betty Reese
65. "People often say that motivation doesn't last. Well neither does bathing. That's why we recommend it daily." – Zig Ziglar
66. "Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work." – Thomas Edison
67. "I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific." – Lily Tomlin
68. "The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it." — Groucho Marx
69. "If you had to identify in one word the reason why the human race has not achieved and never will achieve its full potential, that word would be 'meetings." – Dave Barry
70. "Be like a postage stamp. Stick to a thing till you get there." — Josh Billings
71. "Leaders who don't listen will eventually be surrounded by people who have nothing to say." – Andy Stanley
72. "Many of life's failures are experiences by people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up." — Thomas Edison
73. "Education cost money. But then again so does ignorance." – Sir Claus Moser
74. "Nobody ever wrote down a plan to be broke, fat lazy, or stupid. Those things are what happen when you didn't have a plan." – Larry Winget
75. "Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the real greats make you feel that you, too, can be great." – Mark Twain
76. "If a man smiles all the time, he's probably selling something that doesn't work." — Woody Allen
77. "Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife." — Groucho Marx
78. "One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important." — Bertrand Russell
79. "Hard work beats talent when talent doesn't work hard." – Tim Notke
80. "The only place success comes before work is in the dictionary." – Vince Lombardi
81. "Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep." – Scott Adams
82. "An expert is a man who tells you a simple thing in a confused way in such a fashion as to make you think the confusion is your own fault." – William Castle
83. "What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day." – Phyllis Diller
84. Work is against human nature. The proof is that it makes us tired. – Michel Tournier
85. "Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he'll buy a funny hat. Talk to a hungry man about fish, and you're a consultant." – Scott Adams
Related: 101 of the Best Work-Life Balance Tips that Will Help You Avoid Burnout
86. "Hear no evil, see no evil, and speak no evil—and you'll never get a job working for a tabloid." – Phil Pastoret
87. "I work for myself, which is fun. Except when I call in sick, I know I'm lying. – Rita Rudner
88. "Like vinegar to the teeth, and smoke to the eyes, so are the lazy to their employers." – Proverb 10:26
89. "A diamond is merely a lump of coal that did well under pressure." — Henry Kissenger
90. "I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early." — Charles Lamb
91. "Nothing is so embarrassing as watching someone do something that you said couldn't be done." – Sam Ewing
92. "My son is now an 'entrepreneur.' That's what you're called when you don't have a job." – Ted Turner
93. "Why do people say they wish every day was Friday? If it was always Friday, we'd be here every freakin' day." — Ed Bernard
94. "Work is the greatest thing in the world, so we should always save some of it for tomorrow." — Don Herold
Parade Daily
Celebrity interviews, recipes and health tips delivered to your inbox.
95. "If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you." – Steven Wright
96. "The elevator to success is out of order. You'll have to use the stairs… one step at a time." — Joe Girard
97. "Hard work spotlights the character of people: some turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses, and some don't turn up at all." – Sam Ewing
98. "By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day." — Robert Frost
99. "People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up." – Ogden Nash
100. "After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says WTF." — Anonymous
Now that you've gotten a good laugh at the expense of your job, here's a list of 50 #MotivationMonday quotes that'll get your upcoming work week started out on the right foot.
Source: https://parade.com/976021/marynliles/funny-work-quotes/